It’s kind of like one of those age-old questions. Do we give our kids too much? As little ones, they “want want want” everything they see. As they get older their demands become a bit more polite, turning into “please please please!” Sometimes it’s hard to resist those cute, little dimples. And probably, more often than not, we give in because we’re sick and tired of hearing the begging.
I took my (now 10 year old) son school shopping last week. We picked up $80 worth of school supplies from a list that the school provided (thankfully, the backpack from last year still works), and then we headed to the mall. My son has recently decided that he’d like a say in what sorts of clothes he wears to school. The skinny jeans, shorts that are just the right length, certain brands of t-shirts, and kid-approved, Mom-makes-me-wear-these collared shirts were among our purchases. All were on sale for pretty good prices, and I was feeling pretty good about what I had spent. And then we moved on to purchase the fashionable item that my son cares about most: sneakers. He pleaded with me for a few minutes to buy some $90 Nike feather-light running shoes that “all of his friends have” (until the sales gal told him that they did not have his size), and then his heart fell onto these Reebok ReeZigs.
Upon first glance, I thought they were kind of ugly. They’re not understated in any sort of way, and they won’t exactly match a whole lot of outfits. But then he tried them on. He jogged around the store with such excitement and pride that I thought… I’m really going to have to consider these. They were on sale for $80. My husband happened to call on my cell phone at that very moment and told me not to buy our son $100 sneakers. I didn’t listen. I bought them anyways.
Reflecting upon my decision later that week, I came to the following conclusions to make myself feel better about this grand purchase for my 10 year old:
1. I had gotten all of his school clothes on sale for good prices.
2. He’s a runner, and these are supposed to be good running shoes.
3. I actually DID make him contribute $20 toward the purchase of the shoes.
When I admitted to my husband that I bought the shoes (that he requested I not purchase), I dissolved into tears. I explained that when I was a child I always wanted those “cool” shoes that other kids were wearing, and we were never able to get them. I wanted our son to have them. Perhaps I’ve sent the wrong message… he asked, I bought, and now I’m stuck with buying uber-expensive sneakers from here on out.
So what do you think…do we give our kids too much? Are you able to hold back and just give your kids what they need? Or do you fall into the trap of wanting your kids to have things you didn’t have as a child?
The way I see it, your son seems like a really good kid who you have a nice relationship with. He doesn’t seem spoiled or bratty and I think good kids deserve something a little special when it’s back to school time. And it’s not like he’s asking for a DKNY wardrobe! The sneakers are functional, too.
I was mostly a really good kid, but I will always remember one time in middle school, my mom took me shopping and wanted to buy me clothes from Macy’s. I cried and told her I only wanted Abercrombie. She made me get right back in the car and drove me home. I STILL can’t believe I acted that way… Not only was my mom buying me clothes, but why did I have an issue with Macys?! I think it’s tough to fit in at that age and I just desperately wanted to be like everyone else. But I knew right away how ungrateful I was being..
You didn’t do anything wrong! No, kids don’t NEED $100 sneakers, but what do they really NEED besides a few shirts and some pants? Nothing wrong with treating yourself and your kids to something nice from time to time 🙂
My kiddo doesn’t care much about where we buy things (yet), just what kinds of clothes they are. Funny, we ended up buying jeans at Abercrombie because they just happened to be on sale for a good price! He does like that Tilley’s store, though we don’t go there often.
Your husband said, “No.” That should have been the end of it. Train up your child in the way he should go, and when he is older, he will not stray from it. Your child would have learned a more important lesson from witnessing you honoring your husband, than any sneaker purchase could have taught him… even with his contribution of $20.
I like the idea of setting a price point that you will pay, and letting kids earn and save money for what they want above that limit. When I was growing up I had 4 younger siblings, and we almost never had the name-brand items all the other kids seemed to have. I don’t believe I was emotionally scarred by what I didn’t have, and I know I learned that it’s important to be cautious with spending. That being said, I do tend to buy my child a lot of “want” items as opposed to “need only.” She’s not old enough to be insistent upon particular brand names, so I have a little time yet… Thanks for the discussion.
I have a 15yr old daughter and recently experienced a similar running show dilemma. She only wanted a certain Nike shoe and the price was $118. I flat out refused. No way.
My 14-year-old can go through sneakers like no one I know – a new pair at least every 3 months because he absolutely wears them out. Sometimes the time period is less because after wearing holes in the last pair he had the nerve to grow a size a month after purchasing a replacement pair. 🙂 I was a child that grew up on everything WalMart had to offer because that was what my parents could afford so I tend to indulge my son more to make up for what I never got. However, after the first two pairs of awesome but expensive Nikes this past year, he get a $50 budget and if he just can’t live without the shoes he is more than welcome to pay the difference out of his allowance. This last time he went “cheap” and stuck to the $50, got a pair of Saucony’s that were on sale that he didn’t love in the store, and now says they are the best shoes he has owned in the last couple of years. Boundaries are good, but everyone loves having the splurge from time-to-time, even bratty teenagers.
It’s a tough decision. I think certainly there are parents who give their children TOO much. Sometimes I fall into that category myself! However, my 14yr old son always wants the “cool” shoes every fall, that cost between 90-120 dollars. Ouch. Here is how I justify 🙂 He wears Old Navy, with the occasional Target and Aero clothing. He gets ONE pair of shoes every year, unless he happens to have a growth spurt (but now it seems to be once a year). His second pair of shoes for camping and summer is off the sale rack, or cheap off brand. I buy my 3 girls ALOT of clothes and shoes compared to him. He knows the cost and can appreciate the amount spent. I don’t shield my kids from how much things cost, that way they can see the choices even parents have to make. Do I buy the off brand cereal so we can have the name brand Oreos??? haha!!
Aimee
No kids at the moment – but we all were kids once so I can’t truly relate the need to spend so much money on shoes. I’ve seen my parent’s going through tough times whilst growing up. I guess it was a lesson it self for me to spend, frugally.
I didn’t spend that much on sneakers myself until the last couple of years when I started running. But I guess I can understand the desire to have what his friends have. It’s a tough decision as a parent!
You could always give him a shoe allowance of say $70. If he finds shoes less than that he can keep the difference. You will see what are his priorities. You may find he is purchasing shoes for $50.
I really like this idea. I think he’d still get the shoes though… unless I laid actual dollar bills in front of him so he could see what’s on the table!
I can appreciate quality, but honestly that’s more than I’d be willing to pay. I totally get not being the one with the great shoes as a child, but still. I do like that you had him contribute a bit towards them though.
How on earth are you stuck buying expensive shoes next time though? I do not understand that at all. Why not just consider this a special occasion? OR have him save the $$ for the next pair?
I think that working for things like this (when I was a teen) to purchase them myself or simply to decide NOT to purchase them for myself once I had the money saved made me much more financially responsible as an adult.
Good points. I’ll always make him contribute if he wants the expensive pairs. Might have to just set a price limit and let him contribute beyond.
I think you were right in having your son use some of his own money towards the purchase of his tennis shoes. That teaches them a great lesson for later in life. I actually just bought my daughter a pair of Reebok Zigs yesterday, but I’m lucky that she is still in a size 3, so they were only $55. As a runner myself, I know the importance of having a good running shoe. I hope your hubby wasn’t too upset with you! 🙂
Hubby isn’t upset. He’s a good guy 🙂